Life over 60? Mantras for Happier Living: Being in the Flow

This month in her new column – Life After 60: 10 mantras for “Happier” Living, life and wellness coach Bina Mirchandani talks about the importance of being in the flow and enjoying every moment as it comes.

Mirchandani is Chief Faculty at Rtambhara Wellness Pvt ltd, which looks at Wellness in a holistic way. The company believes in self-discovery and personal transformation to drive personal effectiveness. She also serves on the board of “The School of Ancient Wisdom” in Bangalore.

Being in the flow

What is the true meaning of this statement ‘being in the flow?’

Let’s examine this from a Spiritual angle first. Let’s look around us and realise the enormity of what is happening outside of us – the world is spinning continuously, nature functions in the most optimal way, creation is put together beautifully, day turns to night, seasons change. There seems to be a harmonious balance that we fail to see with our limited vision. There is a perfect flow at any point in time, responding to our interference in its working yet maintaining its natural order.

I never looked at life in this way, that there was a natural order. I thought I was master of all things that concerned me and those close to me, till the realisation came, we are but a small cog in this giant wheel of existence. For anything to materialise, there has to be an interconnected play of many factors that bring it together.

What do we want control over? We want control of our lives, relationships, and outcomes of our many pursuits, whether material or any other and fulfil our desires. It’s a never-ending list. My question to you is, Should we try and control, or should we go with the Flow? Will it make us happy?

Life took me on a journey, and when I look back, there was a “naturalness” and “perfectness” to how everything played out. I needed to realise that some things were within my control and plenty were not. How could I make myself happy in this situation?

Let’s examine ‘Being in the flow’ from a spiritual as well as a scientific perspective.

Spiritual

Indian spirituality spells out that we need to have goals, pursue them, put our complete focus and effort into achieving these goals, and not hanker after specific results. The activity itself should be the reward. If we focus on the reward, we are frittering away our energies instead of directing our complete effort into the action.

The realisation that we need to bring into our lives is that we cannot always control the outcome. What is meant to happen will indeed materialise. As I said before, there are too many factors at play, many that we are not aware of. There is the law of karma at work too! What you sow, you will have to reap so that it will play out at some point in your life. Maybe another life, too, based on the concept of rebirth in the Indian scriptures!

We need to understand that there is a flow. Suppose we find that things are not going in the way we want them to. In that case, we should pull back and look at the outcome objectively and allow ourselves to go with the Flow instead of offering resistance that doesn’t help us.

In my life, every failure has been a stepping stone for me, either intellectually, spiritually or even materially! When I closed my successful business at the age of 37 because there were no avenues for expansion or intellectual challenge and growth, I thought to myself, where do I go from here? Will the world see me as a failure? How will I manage my life, my finances? But by letting go, new avenues opened up for me, and I ended up finally in a situation that allowed me to feel fulfilled and happy.

So, we need to push for what we want to achieve in our lives for a happy existence, but we should learn to let go if the resistance is high. Have faith that there is a better, more meaningful plan that will manifest for you.

Scientific

Scientifically, ‘Flow’ is a concept that’s gained traction in Western psychology when psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term “flow” in the 1970s. He talked about the “optimal experience” of humans and how to achieve it. Since then, an incredible body of research has shown that being in a flow state not only feels good but has a direct and positive correlation with happiness, productivity, creativity and health.

Activities that create a sense of Flow are unique to each of us and range from what we like to do – dancing, singing, painting, reading, writing, teaching, building, designing, playing music, practising yoga, engaging in other sports, having deeply connected conversations, and much more. It’s a state where the activity itself becomes the reward. You lose track of time, and you are wholly involved in the activity.

So from both angles, spiritual and scientific, the lesson for us at this stage in our lives, is to enjoy everything we do with our complete focus, not have any expectations and enjoy every moment in how it plays out. Every moment is perfect. Suppose we learn to live in every moment as it is. In that case, we will always be happy without any preconceived notions or expectations. Hankering after specific results will make us unhappy.

A question to ask ourselves is — “Do we still have expectations from those around us, our children included? ” If we have understood the concept of being in the Flow, we will drop expectations. If anything plays out differently from what we expect, it is essential to accept it gracefully and carry on. This mantra is defined as an optimal human experience. Scientific research credits it as one of the keys to living our happiest and most meaningful lives.

I want to end with this quote that expresses the concept of Being in the Flow beautifully…